i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
