At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
