4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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