hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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