I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
two words: eviction party
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
