I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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