You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
