Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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