honey bunches of taint.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
