God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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