he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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