Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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