Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
