Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
