I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
