I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
