I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
