living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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