Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
