I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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