you turned your livingroom into a bong?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
