Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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