how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
