oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize