i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
