I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
