He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize