this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
