Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
