i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
