Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
