dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
