so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
