so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
