no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
