he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
