he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
