it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
