The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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