remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
