Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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