last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize