pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
