We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Someone signed my nipple.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
