I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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