It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
