I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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