it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
