I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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