On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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