Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
