So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize