i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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