just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
