I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
