I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i think i just lost a toe
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
