gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
