is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
