Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You were trust falling into bushes
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
