Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
