I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
