Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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