so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
