She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I FOUND THE LEGS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
