haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
