right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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