dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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