his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
