Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my shit smells like andre
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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