I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
