Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My penis needs a shock collar
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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