I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
