it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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