I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize