so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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