he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize